If individuals were to Google “teenagers,” one might find a song by My Chemical Romance, a Wikipedia article entitled “adolescence,” and an infinite amount of articles detailing the horrors of teenage rebellion. After navigating countless pages of psychological articles and advice from anxious parents, one cowers from the growing nuisance of the teenage population.

Existing as a dangerous mix of under-developed brains and belligerent hormones, the juvenile specimen not only possess a threat to society, but to themselves as well. Their behaviors range from late night “study-dates” to overly-dramatic “depressive states,” things that hold no real purpose aside from distracting adults from their more important matters.

Clearly, the teens’ actions should be understood as a scream for help, a subtle hint that they want you– the adult– to dictate every detail of their insignificant lives. Any indication of individuality represents a rebellion in progress and authoritative figures that remain unwilling to squelch creativity, should be ashamed of the immorality they are progressing.

At the present time, teens heighten their offenses with the immense disrespect they propagate. Whether it be tweeting or texting their crude messages, everything they say and do embodies a boldness that cannot be tolerated.

In the words of a song that’s popular with the youngins, “Am I wrong for saying that I choose another way?”

Yes, Nico and Vinz, you ARE wrong and the fact that you spread this villainous message amongst impressionable teens demonstrates a disgusting irresponsibility.

Furthermore, it’s not as though teens are capable of upper level thinking and they’re especially unqualified to make their own decisions. As perfectly reasonable adults, we must terminate the dreams of those who never held a chance and ensure that those who succeed, succeed on our terms.

The trick, however, is to ensure that students never comprehend our condescension or manipulation. If we, as adults, become too overbearing in our guidance, some astute adolescents might give way to isolation and develop an immunity to our direction.

As adults traverse the volatile network of teenage communication, they must remember the guidance of Psych Central writer, Linda Sapadin. She says, “It’s a good sign if your teen is initiating conversation with you. Take her communication to mean that she wants to maintain a relationship with you. Respond in an affirmative way, such as, ‘I’m glad we’re having this conversation, even though what you’re telling me is upsetting. And thanks for speaking in a respectful manner. It’s easier for me to hear you when you’re not shouting at me.’”

Yet despite your best efforts, teens will still turn cruelly from your divine counseling and evolve into unique individuals.

Discourage such individualism until the day that you die. As an all-knowing adult, you hold the responsibility of discrediting children and you should never think that you are wrong. Live proudly, remember your superiority, and never forget to remind adolescence of their pathetic, soul-crippling inferiority.