Snarknado: height stereotypes over-exaggerated

Rayven Cann, Sports Editor

Weather?! Do you want to know how the weather is down here?! It’s freaking cold so move out of the sun’s way you towering giant!

   But really. We get it we’re smaller than you, trust us, we have eyes. But please, go ahead and continue joking about our height. I mean, really, does your ego have to be the same size as you. I may be a tiny bundle of anger and cold, but you are filled with ‘unique’ jokes.

   I mean even in sports we’re disregarded. Oh, easy out! I can guard them, easy! I mean why does it matter in the first place? How do you know I’m going to be an easy out, a soft hitter, an easy person to block/guard? For all, you know this is my home run, grand slam, and I can dribble circles around you.

   Yes, I can’t reach the top shelf, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to continue to reach for the stars, no matter how high and far they are.

   Now I know you’re thinking; tall people get teased and picked on, too! I’m getting there. Hold your horses!

   Gigantic, towering. Isn’t that supposed to be okay? Noooooo. For some reason, I’m always getting asked to switch to the back, used to help teachers and people with getting things. I mean sometimes we really aren’t that tall. All your friends think it’s funny to look directly towards the ceiling. Understand that I know I’m tall. I mean, the whole world rubs it in.

   Shower heads are made for people under five feet. Trust me, washing my hair sucks. Going down stairs or ducking under shelves and stuff is so tasking, I can’t describe all the bumps I’ve gotten from smacking my head. My favorite is when people stand on things to make themselves ‘as tall as me’, man that one never gets old.

   I’m sure reading through this you were either thinking of someone you know that fits this or going “yeah- that’s me in my group”. What is it about height that is so flipping funny? I mean what is average height? Maybe you aren’t as average as you think. Maybe complimenting our heights would be better than the same old boring and repetitive jokes, or maybe just make new jokes that are funny. I can’t speak for the whole population.